Dreams...and PBR

Today I got to thinking what my training life would be like if I won a gagillion dollars in the lottery. 
Disregard the pitfalls of the money, or the trouble, or the legal stuff.  I'm not interested in having my dream torn apart by all the haters who say "it'll ruin your life" or "you'd end up homeless and alone". It's called a dream.  Dreams are, by definition, not based in reality.  Therefore leave me alone.

So I win the lottery and I don't have to work anymore. Sweet!  Lets say I could then take that time and really train for a race.  Not working until 6pm, rushing home, trying to get a quick run in despite being exhausted.

I could get a full good night sleep.  I could eat a healthy breakfast.  I could spend extra time stretching before a run.  Then I could run as long as I'd like without a care in the world.  I'd have the newest shoes which I'd throw away every 100 miles or so. (Scratch that...I'd donate them to Soles for Souls...great charity.  Look them up).   I'd wear a new pair of socks every day just like Tom Brady dreamed of doing when he got all rich and famous. 

I would get home from my run and dip into my hot-tub, whirlpool to cool down and stretch.  My butler would bring me my favorite post run drink (V8), and I'd stretch again to ward off all injuries.

After a nice lunch I'd make my way to my world class gym I had built in my mansion and I would workout with my personal trainer developing such a fine tuned athletic body that I'd be considering breaking 3 hours in a marathon instead of struggling to break 4 hours.

Oh if only I could win the lottery without any of the headaches that go with it.

...Instead, I sell chairs.  I don't have a mansion, whirlpool, indoor gym, or personal trainer.  I do have a truckload of shoes, but they all have at least 300-400 miles on them and need to be rotated out of use. I'm actually wondering if I have clean socks for my run tonight and I have no idea what I'll eat after.

But truthfully, I love my style.  I am to running what PBR is to beer.  Not the best.  Maybe not even good.  Certainly not refined with painstaking hours of effort... but for $5 a pitcher at your local pub it beats the hell out of most options.

I could be a crazed runner who goes vegan, eats GU like it's the 6th food group, and tries way to damn hard.  But why?  I rather be PBR.

Day 10, 11 and Probably 12

Some quick thoughts about extra, unexpected off days.

1.       Off days are great no matter the reason

2.       Golf counts as exercise so I won’t even say yesterday was an off day.  Especially the way I play.  It can be exhausting

3.       It’s early and for me I feel I’m ahead of schedule.

4.       Some say you need to train 2 days for every one day you take off to break even.  I say that’s a bunk of bull-hunky.  If you believe that you are an over-achiever runner.  I am not an over achiever.

5.       If rest is “injury prevention” I am not being lazy.  I am actually just ensuring my highest level of health to maintain training for 14 more weeks.  So three straight days off is actually a good thing!

6.       This ain’t my first rodeo.  It’s my 8^th marathon so mentally I know what I’m in for and what training is like.  If it was my first I’d freak out over every run, but now it’s old hat and I feel fine taking days off.

7.       I’ll never really be fully trained.  I lack motivation so I’ll never train the “right way”.  And that’s why I’ll probably never break 4 hours. 

8.       Who cares what time I run it in.  I still get a medal and the cool tin foil blanket!

Back to running tomorrow for sure.

Day 9 - Being a Bad-Ass

Today I felt awesome walking out of the house for my run.  I had my all grey shorts and shirt with a black hat on.  I felt like the Darth Vader of out-of-shape runners.  I had new headphones which made bumping Eminem even more motivating.  And I was upping my mileage to 6.5 miles (which I did!)  I felt downright dangerous leaving the house.

As Eminem gave way to some Jay-Z I hauled past my first slow-poke victim.  Sure it was an old lady picking through trash, but I don’t choose my opponents! I’m BAD!

But then, not more than a quarter mile into my run, I saw something that made me turn my music off and stop in my tracks.

Was it a hot girl checking me out? No.  Maybe it was a sweet car that would make any guy stop for a moment of admiration. But it wasn’t.  It was a 9 week old Puggle dancing in the grass with his new owner.

As this little bouncing pup ran at me I just lost it. I start rubbing his belly and his owner is telling me all about how he’ll eventually be 20 lbs and all that good stuff.  His name was Waffles or something like that…The dog, not the owner.

But then it was back to the road, and as if my IPod knew exactly what I was thinking, JayZ ended and Sarah Bareilles came on.  Not badass. It was followed right away by Call Me Maybe. Even less badass.

Fine!  I’m not cool, dangerous, or mysterious. I’m a total sap, dork, nerd.  I probably could have figured this out way earlier though.   Take for example my conversation with a good friend of mine yesterday.

“Hey dude…Not much, you?...Sure.  Ask anything…uh huh…They are called Horcruxes…Seven of them…Well, he didn’t know Harry Potter was a Horcrux.  It’s complicated, you’d sorta have to go back to book 5 to know all the details…  You didn’t read book 5?!... Wait, you only saw the last half of the 7^th movie! Dude, I can’t really explain 5000 pages of awesome in 5 minutes…”

That is a conversation that anyone who even strives to be badass NEVER even thinks to have and would never admit to.

Anyway, this raging dork finish 6 ½ miles barely dodging a thunder storm.  I did the extra miles because I’ll take a day off tomorrow to go to the soccer match at Fenway Park with my wife. Fortza Roma!

Running Song of the Day:  War – “Why Can’t We Be Friends”   The harmless anthem for the harmless runner.

Day 7 - Walking is a Good Thing!

Wrapping up week one I am sore and tired. Jumping right back into running after so much time off has my legs screaming at me to go back to sleeping in and relaxing on the couch rather than training.  Ignoring that thought for the next 14 weeks will be my biggest challenge.

Part of blocking out the bad thoughts is running when I am not feeling my best…like today. That being said I am also very committed to not being stupid in my training. Stupid would be to have a bad day but push myself to run too far or too fast. Today I cut my run back to 3 ½ miles and I took a few walking breaks.

This brings up the topic of walking.  Some people will say that a runner should keep a constant pace the entire time and not walk until the run is over. That’s a great concept.  I’ll add to that and say that everyone should also always drive 55 miles per hour and we should never have traffic jams. And people should never eat anything with more than an allotted amount of calories and we can eliminate obesity.  And every day should be bright and sunny except for a brief rain shower in the afternoon so we always see a rainbow to cheer us up.

Here in reality average runners like me have to walk otherwise we run the risk of keeling over dead on the sidewalk.  I have decided that within a training program, especially in the beginning weeks, walking is not just acceptable but critically important.

My end goal is to be able to survive, not win, a marathon.  It will take me around 4 hours so I need to start getting used to being on my feet, moving forward for a long time.  In a training run sometimes it’s not important to run 5 or 10 miles without stopping. Rather one should target doing a set amount of time on the road with periodic walking breaks to ensure you don’t crash too early.

Is this something I have done scientific research on? Have I read this in published studies on successful running?  No.  But I need to walk and therefore I have convinced myself that this is fact.  I don’t care if Bill Rodgers and Roger Bannister crash through my roof and say I’m wrong.  I believe it is true and that’s all I need. How’s that for logic!

So today I ran and walked, then ran a little more.  Who cares what my pace was.  I woke up, felt like dog-meat, but got my training in anyway.  Thanks in large part to…walking.

Moral of the story:  If you are an average or below average runner trying to increase your daily mileage, don’t kill yourself trying to run too far or too fast.  Take breaks to walk and rest. It should help you get more time on the road and improve your overall endurance.

Tomorrow:  I hate Mondays.  It’ll be a rest day or I might get to the gym and do some non-cardio exercise.

Running Song of the Day: Miley Cyrus – “Party In The USA”   Why? Because it’s awesome.  Don’t judge me.

Day 6 - Weekend Running

I feel there is an art to weekend running.  Weekends are always when you toss in your  longest run of the week.  This week that happened to be 5 ½ miles for me, but in a few weeks I’ll be looking more along the lines of 10+ miles.  That doesn’t mean every Friday night I’m going to come home, eat a plate of pasta, chug Gatorade and go to bed after Jeopardy to rest up.  I’m not 85 years old yet so I still love Friday night.

Needless to say Friday was a rest day, as it likely will be every week.  There were a couple beers at lunch followed up with drinks after work at one of my favorite local establishments.  Then I fired up the grill and enjoyed steak tips and a few Jack and Gingers. But even with all that I was up at 7am to get my run in Saturday morning.

This is when my experience in the art of weekend running kicks in.  Lets break down the run mile by mile. Hopfully this might help you on your hard weekends.

Mile 1: This one is the worst. It’s a combination of a lingering headache, body ache and the second guessing of whether you are too dehydrated from the previous night and questioning if you should be running at all.  Getting past mile 1 is the key.

Mile 2: By this time you feel more normal and start to find a good pace.  The error you can make here is feeling too good and picking up the pace.  The truth is you only feel better…not good.  Better than mile 1 doesn’t mean it’s time to take on the world.

Mile 3: Focus is key at the halfway point.  For me, I tend to stop thinking about getting my planned run done and I think either “should I cut this short and head home” or “do  I feel good enough to add a few miles”.  Both are equally bad decisions.  Remember that you have a plan…stick to it.

Mile 4:  This is when you start dragging.  Just suck it up and keep going. I have no good advice here other than knowing that a little suffering is good for you. It means your challenging yourself.

Mile 5:  Knowing this is the final mile, and reminding yourself of that makes things better.  Keep telling yourself to finish strong because after this mile you’re done for the day.  I tell myself if I finish without walking I will enjoy a victory beer this afternoon even more than usual.   It does beg the question of which of the beers I have today is my actual “victory beer”…maybe all of them.

Then I’m done.  The best part is I don’t have to go to work after, nor amI totally beat because I ran after working a full day.  Even with a little over-indulgence the night before I feel more rested going into the run and I get to stretch and recover all day after.  That’s why weekends are my favorite.

Tomorrow:  I’m thinking I’ll do the same 5 ½ mile run I did today.  That would give me around 23 miles for the week which I am more than happy with.  But I’ll do it as a slow jog to save my legs more than I did earlier this week.

Running Song of the Day: Soul Coughing –“Super Bon Bon”  It’s a badass song and if you’re on pace and passing people the lyric “move aside and let the man go through” makes you feel like one mean runner.

Day 4 - Good Smokers vs Bad Smokers

There was a point in the day when I thought I’d be pulling back to back days off only 4 days in. I woke up at 5:30am, but today wasn’t an early alarm for running.  Oh no! It was Tiger Time! 4:43am tee time at The Open.  So “not enough sleep” was one excuse.  The second was I spent 3 hours in the car stuck in traffic this afternoon coming back from a client visit. Finally, I still was really struggling with leg soreness.

If you’ve ever run any distance you know the feeling.  It is the kind of leg soreness that verges on leg weakness.  You step even slightly wrong and it feels like your leg gives out.  Not overly fun, but occasionally amusing if I’m being honest.

But alas, I forced myself to get out and run a quick three miles.  I will say that after the first half mile my legs felt far more normal and I am much more encouraged about a longer run tomorrow or Saturday.

That being said, I can’t figure out if I’m encouraged or discouraged by other people on this planet. In particular those people who smoke.  Smoke if you want.  I don’t care.  You are killing yourself, but hey, I drink too much so we’re all just competing to see if your lungs die before my liver does.  

But I will point out that I don’t follow you around spiking your water with booze that you don’t want to drink. SO I beg you to please stop blowing your nasty ass smoke in my face.  I must have run by no less than 10 people smoking in the doorway of a house or restaurant today.

Half of those smokers would politely lower the cigarette or even move it behind them so the smoke would not waft into my face or any other passerby.  In the words of Daniel Tosh, “For that I thank you.”

The other meatheads do everything short of running beside me blowing smoke directly into my face.  Move out of the middle of the sidewalk to let me pass?  No.  Avoid blowing smoke in my path? Oh hell no!  It just seemed really REALLY rude.  It would be like a dude with the flu sitting on his porch sneezing on people as they walked by.

It makes me look forward to moving to the suburbs where I can find a running trail off the main road and breath fresh air. Then again, I wouldn’t get to walk up the street for a couple post-run celebratory margaritas!

Tomorrow:  One of two things will happen.  Either I’ll get another 3 or 4 miles in after work, or I’ll find myself at a Pub and I’ll declare a day off leading up to 2 strong days this weekend. We will see…

Running Song of the Day: Eric Church – “Drink In My Hand”  Great song when you rather be at a bar than running.

Day 3 – Storms, DOMS and Bad Decision Making

I’ve made the executive decision that today will be an off-day.  Not that I had much choice in the matter.

1.       It’s like Armageddon outside.  It’s been on an off thunder and lightning as the heat breaks.  I don’t feel like doing a Ben Franklin impression and tempt fate in a lightning storm. Running in the rain is fun.  Running in a lightning storm is dangerous and stupid.

2.       DOMS – Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness.  When I went to bed last night I could walk.  When I woke up…not so much.  What happens is you finish a long or overly-strenuous run and feel fine.  Then after a night of sleep the lactic acid spends hours and hours seeping into your muscles (or something like that) and instead of waking up refreshed and ready you wake up half crippled. Feel free to go to the 100% relyable Wikipedia to prove I didn’t make this up. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delayed_onset_muscle_soreness

3.       I’m an idiot.  My brain does not always work properly.  Every training guide in the world says to start slow and build up miles.  I say 4 ½ miles isn’t much even though I last ran 6 weeks ago and spent one of those 6 weeks on a tropical beach drinking my weight in frozen mudslides.  Then my brain says back to back 4 ½ mile runs isn’t bad in the first week of training.  Well it is.  BUT then my brain dropped a total turd.

Day 1 I avoided the heat by running around 7pm.  Then I “logically” avoided the heat on day 2 by running at 5am.  For those of you keeping track at home that would be 9 miles within a 10 hour timespan.  Not enough rest and too many miles.  Sounds about right for the first week of training!

Thank goodness for the weather otherwise I’d have no excuse other than my stupidity for a day off.

Tomorrow:  I’ll try again for a 3 mile run.

Running Song of The Day: AC/DC – “Thunderstruck”  Great song to kick a run off to, but an even better song to blast on an off day when a thunderstorm is rolling in.

 

Day 2 – July 17, 2012 – 4.5 miles

The concept of running in the morning is great.  Early bird gets the worm and all that crap. The truth, or at least my truth, is I don’t want the metaphorical worm.  I want to sleep.  I want to stay in my comfy bed and ponder, "what is the latest I can possibly sleep without being late for work?"

What I don’t want to do is run before the sun goes up.  But that’s what I did because today is going to be HAAB (family slang – Hot As All Balls)!  It was already almost 75 degrees at 5:30am and by the end of my run it was touching 80.  The only thing worse than running at the crack-o-dawn would have been tempting death in a 90 degree late afternoon trying to get my miles in.

I think I realized around mile 2 that starting training with two 4.5 mile runs within 11 hours of each other isn’t the best idea, but I did it.  Sure there was some walking at mile 3…and mile 3.5… and some more at mile 4.  Then I may have cut the run off a few blocks early to get some extra walking in.  Who cares!  I ran.  I did it.  Don’t judge me!

I was somewhat amazed at just how many people were running at 5:30 in the morning.  On one hand it was motivating.  Other runners giving a wave at me as we crossed paths.  Getting a friendly head nod from runners which silently says “you’re one of us. Good work”.  But on the other hand it was a little depressing.  You see, I like to maintain the disillusioned notion that I am special. 

I wake up at 5am to run.  Crazy right?!  Nope, so did a ton of other people.  And look they are running faster than you and walking a whole lot less.  It’s a subtle yet harsh reminder that I am not just one of the many.   Ugh.

…At least running before the sun comes up means I don’t need sunblock though.  Ta-da! Silver lining!

Tomorrow:  Late afternoon 3 mile jog. Let the legs recover a little.

Running Song of The Day: Barenaked Ladies – “Easy”  A mellow song that’s good for the mornings.  I also enjoy the irony of running to a song called “Easy” when clearly what you are doing is anything but.

Marathon Training Blog - Day 1

Have you ever watched the Boston Marathon on TV? Lightning fast Kenyan’s hauling in from Hopkinton to Boylston St in just over 2 hours?

That’s not me.

Maybe you’ve gone to the Boston Marathon and stuck around the finish line to see the “average” runners finish in 3 or three and a half hours.

Still not me.

Truth is I’ve never broken 4hours in 7 tries at the 26.2 mile distance.  I’ll happily toot my own horn and point out that I have finished all 7 marathons I’ve started, and I’m damn proud of that.  Not breaking 4 hours does eat away at my competitive soul though.

It takes a very unique (my wife may say “stupid’) person to even try to run a marathon. The weeks and weeks of training waste away your muscles and test every ounce of motivation one has.  It’s a pain, joy, accomplishment, and hell that is only experienced by those stupid runners.

It involves racing in the rain and running in the dark. There are good days when an 8 mile run turns into a 12 miler, but there are das when a 6miler turns into a 2 mile sprint back to the house for the sweet relief of the porcelain throne (yup, I’m going there).

My end goal is the Cape Cod Marathon on October 28.  This isn’t the 30,000 person Boston or NYC marathon.  It’s only 1200 runners, no TV coverage, and only about a million fewer people watching around the course.  It’s less about the race though.  The “fun” is in the next 15 weeks of training.

I’m going to give you a day-by day perspective of what it’s like to be a 4-hour marathoner training solo for a marathon.  The thoughts, the results, the sounds, the music, and just about anything else that comes up.  I hope you enjoy.

Day 1: July 16, 2012  4.5 miles

Day 1 sucks.  I haven’t run since a half marathon on Memorial Day.  I’m not in terrible shape, but I have a very long way to go.  Last night I decided to try something new and re-lace my two pairs of Brooks shoes with an orange shoelace on the right shoe.  Not sure if I have a good reason for the change, but I’ll make something up eventually.

It is a rough start today. First it’s still 80+ degrees out at 6pm.  Second, my diet today included 2 iced coffees, a ham sandwich, a buffalo chicken Boloco burrito, and a blue raspberry airhead. Less than ideal. Finally, I spend half an hour looking for my iPod only to learn halfway through my run that it wasn’t charged enough.

Despite the struggle I was able to get the mojo going and went out for my four and a half mile jog.  I watched the Ironman Triathlon yesterday so I had that in my mind to act as my push. 

I’m not going to yap about pace or strides or that boring stuff yet.  Here is what I thought about in the 45 minutes on the road:

1.       I need a cool t-shirt for the race.  Suggestions welcome

2.       I wish I wasn’t so tubby at the moment that I could run without a shirt on. Note that as a long term goal.

3.       My wife isn’t home…what the hell should I have for dinner.

…ahhh, the thoughts of an “elite” athlete.

It was ugly, but I finished the run.  Now I’m going to guzzle water and watch the Sox game hoping Youk hits a foul ball right into Bobby V’s face.

Tomorrow: Going to try for another 4 ½ miles.  Possibly early in the morning so I don’t melt again. It’s supposed to be 100 degrees here in Boston.

Running song of the day:  Coldplay – “Fix you”   Great song that keeps building and building which makes me feel like I’m in my own music video.

Fixing the NBA

The NBA is in trouble. Serious trouble. The good news is I can fix it.

I’ve thought long and hard about the best way to fix the pro game.  I say the pro game because Basketball in general is awesome. It's just the NBA that sucks.  Basketball is potentially the best sport in America.  Anybody can play at any time. All you need is a ball and a hoop.  You can play solo or find a crew and get a pickup game going.  Football would like to call itself “America’s Game” and baseball is termed “our national pastime”, but drive down the street and look at the houses.  Do you see batting cages and pitching mounds in the driveways?  Do you see uprights in the yards?  Nope. What youdo see are basketball hoops over garages and at the end of driveways.

I'll stop.  I'm starting to get a very James Earl Jones vibe to this rant.

...back to fixing crappy NBA games.

I personally would love to see it go to 4 v. 4 with a running clock and a 4-point line, but that won’t happen in my life.  I would settle for less flopping though.

Not just the flopping, but the constant fouls and free throws.  Watching an NBA game is like sitting through a middle school field hockey game.  A player doesn’t move 4 feet without a ref stopping play. Guys are trying to get to the line 15 – 20 times a game driving to the basket not just looking for the call, but expecting the call. 

I half expect TNT to hire James Lipton to host the postgame interviews. 

So it’s time to end all this once and for all and get back to playing basketball.  And it’s easy:

1.       4 Fouls and you’re done.

This one is actually killing two birds with one stone.  Fewer fouls available means cleaner basketball.  It also means those dim-wit zebras will hold their whistle every time Kobe or Lebron cries bloody murder when they drive to the tin. It would send the message to go play g-damn basketball and if you really get fouled it’ll be called, but otherwise stop your bitching.

2.       Diving

Stop the acting! Soccer does it. So does hockey.  If you flop, dive, or exaggerate to the point of embarrassing yourself not just are you going to look like a complete tool, but you’re going to give the other team a couple foul shots.  Just like a defensive 3-seconds a flop will cost you a couple shots.  So go ahead and try and draw the foul, but if you aren’t touched and crash to the ground like a wounded duck, sorry pal.

3.       3 time outs per half.

Honest to goodness could the game have more commercial breaks.  I know we all can’t wait to see Sir Charles tell us about losing weight, but with the breaks at the quarters, halftime break, the multiple TV timeouts then what seems like 400 time outs per team per half...  Stop the madness!  These are professional athletes.  These aren’t college kids who need a reminder of what play was called.  These aren’t 12-year olds who need a break for orange slices and water.  Every single NBA game you will see teams take time outs strictly to stop the other teams momentum.  Well that’s fun isn’t it?  Just when things start getting crazy and entertaining…whistle, stop, WeightWatchers commercial, Rizzo and Isles teaser, Craig Sager, and then back to the game.  Couple hoops later…TV timeout. Back to the studio, Rescue Me promo, Charles Barkley again, Craig Sager again…click.  Don’t care anymore.

Truthfully, I think the game is too flawed to be saved.  It’s not basketball anymore.  It’s too many teams playing too many games with too many over-paid drama queens, but maybe just a few tweaks and it could be at least a little better. Maybe?

A ShanaBan Playoff Twist

As I watch the Bruins-Capitals game a thought popped into my feeble little mind.

The question was asked, “why don’t NHL players have enough respect to NOT try and hurt each other.”  This motivated by Shea Weber’s WWE style move last night.  His goal, hurt the other guy.  Then I watch a Caps player gutlessly smash David Krejci in the face drawing a 4 minute penalty. 

The punishment?  4 minutes?  5 minutes? A game misconduct? …or worse… a Shanaban!

But really, is that really a deterrent?  Well sure, if you’re Zedeno Chara or Sidney Crosby.  If you are a player of that caliber missing a game in the playoffs could mean early summer vacation.

What if you are a role player?  A replaceable teammate.  You go out, cheap shot the stud on the other team, take your 4 game suspension to know Crosby, Seguin, Ovechkin, or Malkin out for a few games. Who cares right?

Now the twist…What if a playoff suspension carried additional cost.  Not to the individual, but the team. 

Example:  You are Byron Bitz.  A waste of ice time role player in Vancouver who blew up a defenseless opponent. You just got a 2 game ban.  BUT, in addition, Vancouver cannot replace Bitz’s roster spot.  They have to play 2 games with one less player on the bench.

All of a sudden coaches would stop sending thugs on the ice because 2 games of double shifting guys is a recipe for disaster. 

Add onto that the peer pressure of teammates. 

Picture the Canucks locker room today Sedin to Bitz, “It’s ok Bitzy.  You’ll be back for game 4.”

Now with the roster spot twist, “Come on Bitzy.  That was dumb.  Beating these guys was hard enough with all of us.  You really killed us there!”

Which one gets the result the league needs?  Think about it next time a suspension is levied for the cheap hits the NHL is trying to eliminate.

My Divorce With Tiger Woods

Dear Tiger,

I think we need to start seeing other people.  It’s not you. It’s me.   I’ve been trying for a few years now to remember how amazing things used to be.  We used to have so much fun together.  You would light up any course on tour and make the impossible look easy.  I would watch excitedly as every shot had the potential to be a legendary highlight.  It was so much fun, Tiger.

I know things have been tough lately and I never left your side.  You took time off and that was fine.  I missed you, but we got by.  It didn’t matter that you had your “transgressions”.  I never stopped being on Team Tiger.   When you struggled to win, or make cuts for that matter, I knew eventually you’d turn it around.  When you won at Bay Hill a couple weeks ago I knew you were back, and despite your struggles at The Masters I know you are back to form.

But despite your comeback and your future successes (and there will be many), I can’t stand what you have turned me into. Like I said, it’s not you.  

I used to watch with excitement.  Now I watch with anxiety.  My stomach is in knots wanting and hoping every shot to find short grass. I can barely watch the screen as you line up 6 foot putts.  You’ve turned me into someone I don’t like being.  You’ve turned me into someone who is unsure and scared.  

Tiger, I need to move on for me.  I need to stop being blindly hopeful and constantly disappointed. I need to find a way to be a happy golf fan again.

I want you to know that I am not just running away into the bandwagon of the newest, hot guy out there (as tempting as Rory’s wagon may be).  Nor am I flipping to the dark side (I will never join Phil’s Army).  I am leaving you for no one.  I am quitting you for the unknown. I need to do this for me.

I will still watch you and hope for the best.  I want you to win your majors and break every record, but I can’t continue being an anxious mess waiting for you to be the old you again.

…Oh, who am I kidding.  I can’t just give up! I can’t just move on to another golfer!  I am and always will be a fan of the erratic, vulgar, womanizing golfer you are. So you laid an egg at the Masters. Who cares! You’ll win a major this year and we’ll be like new again! And when that day comes I will wear my Red shirt and flaunt my Nike gear and say “HA! I told you he’d be back!”  Oh, won’t it be great! It’ll be like old times!

I am, and always will be, your fan and follower…even if it ends up giving me an ulcer…which it probably will.

Masters Blind Taste Test

Lin-Sanity… Tebow-Mania… The return of Tiger Woods.  The media once again has jumped at the first sign of a big story and they are going to run with it like a child with a lollipop. 

In the whole “Tiger Woods Is BACK” saga many have forgotten that Rory McIlroy is by far the favorite to win The Masters.  He came close to winning it last year and since then he won his first major and finishes at or near the top of almost every tournament he plays.  His game is solid and if he can keep it out of the trees he will be almost impossible to beat.

That being said, and going on the assumption that the favorite often times doesn’t win, I present to you a blind taste test for who will be Rory’s#1 challenge.  You make the call!

Player A: This player has finished out of the top 15 in only 1 out of his last 8 stroke play tournaments.  6 of those he finished in the top 3.

Player B: This player is top-15 on the PGA Tour in driving accuracy, Top-10 in Scrambling, Top 5 in greens in regulation and is #2 in the entire PGA in scoring average for the young 2012 season.

Player C: This player has not struggled in years at Augusta. He has finished in 6^th or better in each of the last 7 Masters. 

Player D: In this player’s 2012 season he has finished 49^th, 26^th, missed the cut, 43^rd, 24^th, 2^nd and he won once.   And in his past 5 Masters he finished outside the top 20 twice.

There you have it.  Four options to see who will challenge Rory for a green jacket.  Is it player A who is coming into Augusta National hot? Or player B who is showing an all-around solid game tee to green? Player C has history on his side.  And player D…well…isn’t very good.

What if player A, B and C were all the same guy?  What if that guy was non-other than Tiger Woods? That’s right.  Rory should be very scared of that man.  He plays Augusta better than anyone still young enough to swing a club and he is playing better all-around golf than anyone on tour (OTR…Other Than Rory).

The 2012 Masters is shaping up to be the epic match we have all hoped for.  Tiger Woods versus The Next Tiger Woods.  Epic.

Oh yeah, player D.  Phil Mickelson.  My money is on a missed cut this year.

Where are the Parents Here?!

Is it wrong to want to punch an 11-year old kid in the face?  I wouldn’t of course, but Oliver Wahlstrom is really asking for it.

Lil’ Oliver is the hockey wonder-boy who scored an amazing trick shot goal in Mini 1-On-1 between periods of Bruins games.  He flipped the puck onto his stick and whipped it behind his back for a goal.  Pretty cool I guess.

Well, one year later he tried another crazy shot.  This time resting the puck on his blade and slinging it like a lacrosse stick.  Now he’s all over YouTube and the news again.

This brings to light a few questions.

1.       Where is this kids coach?!  

“Alright Oliver. I want you to go out there, forget all the fundamentals we worked on and do something crazy!  Sure it will make scoring harder and possibly lose the event for the team, but man will it look cool.”   Really?!   If I was the coach that kid would have been sat down right then and there and we would have forfeited the match.  Complete lack of sportsmanship and a complete disregard for the game of hockey.

2.        What was the ref watching?

This isn’t the All-Star game where rules go out the window.  There are two teams playing to win and the game needs to be called fairly.  When Oliver brings the puck to his stick he raises it above his shoulders.  Boom! Shot over.  High-Sticking and no goal. 

But no, the ref is just as amazed as everyone else and lets it slide.  Boooooo!

3.        Anybody want to try and be a parent here?

You know this boy told his mom or dad what he was going to do. And he must have practiced it a few hundred times.  Where was the adult saying no. No, that is not the way the game is played.  No, that is not what you should be practicing.  No, you will not pull a stunt like that in a televised event.   Answer…nowhere.

This id represents all that is wrong with youth sports.  It’s about “me”.  My playing time.  My trick shot.  My time to be famous. Me me me me me me me.  

4.       Does anyone care for the other kid playing goalie?

He’s on TV too.  He has a job to do too.  He’s not in on this joke like in All-Star games.  He was left out there, abandoned by the ref, the opposing coach, Oliver, and everyone on the other team.    Here is what I would have done as the parent/coach of the goalie.

“Ok, Billy.  That wasn’t right of him to do that.  It was illegal and classless.  What I want you to do is forget about it and stop the next one.  Shut them up by playing the right way and winning with class.  Oh, and if he tries that again drop your stick and pretend your Clay Mathews and tackle him before he gets a shot off.  Don’t let him get the shot off again.”

It is an insult for this child to be allowed to do what he did.  It is embarrassing that after he did it once the coaches and parents did not pull him aside so it wouldn’t happen again.

This was a failure on every level and I feel bad for the other team, the goalie and everyone involved.

Let this be an example of how we do not want our children acting.